based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
