News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
