dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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