Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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