I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
