dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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