Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
