I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
