Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
