never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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