These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
