do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
please come you make the beer taste better
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
