im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
