I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
