i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
