you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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