who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Randomize
