puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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