Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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