we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
