i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
