I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
