Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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