Your face is a jimmy john
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
