She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize