he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She needs sedatives and a leash
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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