Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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