I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
