talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
