Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
