I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
