Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
