I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
