her vagine was all disorganized.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize