checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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