So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
