fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Drake has all the answers
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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