Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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