Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
