she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize