Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
