some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize