That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You dont lie about slip and slides
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
