is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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