dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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