WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize