Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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