What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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