My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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