K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i've created a new STD.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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