How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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