I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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