So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She's better-looking with the mask on.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
