Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
