you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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