My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
