I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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