Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
