i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize