took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
