she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
