some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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