if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
