I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
