Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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