after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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