I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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